One thing I struggle with in my life, and probably the biggest thing is abandonment.
The most important thing to me in my life are my relationships with my loved ones.
When I lose a relationship, or friendship with someone, it feels like my kryptonite.
It’s like every cell in my body doesn’t know how to react so I become engulfed in grief and feel like I’m drowning in my own pain.
I am not sure why this is a reoccurring theme in my life, probably because I need to master how to let go without letting it break me.
And with each death and loss of a person from my life, I have grown stronger and better at growing myself in healing.
It is something I fear in this life and it has truly changed me each time I experience it.
I recognize this fear of abandonment and acknowledge the impact it has on the way I think and act in my life.
It’s something I’ve been working on my entire life, and will continue to work on.
When I care for someone, I put my entire heart into that person and I guess you can say I even expect them to reciprocate.
When I create a relationship with you, I plan on having you in my life and that’s it.
It’s painful when people promise to be in your life but then leave.
It makes you question your worth, your character, your identity, your love, and sometimes even your sanity.
It’s horrific being forced to accept someone doesn’t want you in their life.
It’s absolute hell to know they don’t want what you contribute to their life.
I eventually heal from the ghosts of people’s past in my life.
But during the healing, it’s excruciating and full of suffering.
I do my vet best to not let their decision of walking away change my entire life.
I’ve learned how to use that to fuel bettering myself and bettering my life.
It’s a powerful tool when used correctly.
A tool in creating something beautiful from the destruction that was left in your heart and life.
I’ve also learned it takes time to heal.
Nobody can force you to heal quicker, it’s not something that comes easy.
Healing is not linear.
Healing is not shallow.
When one experiences loss, it brings up other losses and other repressed things that have been hidden deep down within.
In order to truly heal from any type of loss, including dreams, health, finances, people, etc., one must feel the emotions. Acknowledge the emotions and the situation.
Once one acknowledges the truth of what happened, they can move forward with grieving and cleansing themselves of any negative belief or emotion inside of them.
This process takes time and is different for each person.
During this process, though, it’s so vital to not lose yourself in the grief.
Meaning, don’t lose your identity to your emotions.
You are not your circumstance.
The circumstance to which you are grieving and feeling is temporary.
It will not last forever.
Freedom does exist and can be attained.
One must walk through the pain to get out of the pain.
One must let the pain teach what is needed and then it will leave.
One must appreciate what one has in front of them, more than what they lost.
Losing something or someone you loved and had your heart in, is in my opinion the worst thing to happen in this world.
Because life goes on.
And you must learn how to go on as well, despite how you feel.
Loss does bring more understanding and wisdom to those who seek those things.
Loss is honestly the best character builder and teacher one could have.
But loss can be one’s worst enemy if they do not grieve it in a healthy way.
Repressing any type of loss will fester bitterness, resentment, negativity, anger, grief, sadness, depression, and then manifest all those feelings into physical disease.
When your heart is in dis ease, you get a disease.
One huge step to my Lyme recovery was dealing with every emotion, trauma, and loss I had experienced up to getting diagnosed.
It took major emotional work on myself and my mindset for there to be breakthrough in my healing.
And now even being in remission, when I experience heavy loss, I have to be careful how I respond to it, or it flares up my diseases.
Our emotions are so strongly connected to the way our organs function.
It’s so important to be self-aware of your feelings and what thoughts you are thinking every day.
Because both those things fuel how our bodies react.
The longer you go without facing your feelings, the sicker you will become.
Emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically.
Even though it’s easier to cover them up with a band aid of an array of addictions, including people, it’s unhealthy and will only hurt you more in the long run.
Even though it’s pure hell facing one’s feelings, it’s your key to freedom from your pain and suffering.
It unlocks the door and guides you onto your path of healing.
Each person needs an anchor that grounds them when life tries to bring destruction.
My anchor is my faith, family and friends.
When I go through a huge loss, I immediately grasp onto my faith, and my loved ones. Because otherwise, I wouldn’t be strong enough to overcome.
I had a huge loss this summer and I honestly never expected that to happen.
But it did.
And I was forced to accept it.
I had no choice in the matter, as with any loss one experiences.
And it was pure hell.
But I knew I couldn’t repress any of the shock, the disbelief, the hurt, the grief, the pain. I had to feel every ounce of it and for as long as my heart needed to feel it, in order for me to truly heal from it.
This loss was different than previous losses.
I felt it deeper and took it harder.
But because I didn’t hold back on feeling any of it, my body and my heart has begun to heal.
Each week that passes, I notice differences in every area of myself and my life.
I still feel the loss and the empty space as to which that person held, but knowing the reality of the situation helps put me in perspective.
It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt less.
It just means I’m not living in the wrong reality of the situation anymore.
I can see clearly as to why this needed to happen.
Even though there are still so many questions unanswered, I am learning to accept that I will have to move on without receiving answers to them.
With that being said, here’s helpful tips in dealing with abandonment, loss, heartbreak and grief.
Feel the emotions.
Experience the emotions.
Be patient with yourself while you feel the emotions.
Nothing is wrong with you because you feel this way.
You are processing a huge loss, it’s normal to not feel like yourself.
Pray to God and tell him everything your feeling.
Hold onto the hope that God is near and he has better in store for your future.
See the reality of the situation and stand firmly planted in the truth of the matter.
Realize the good and the bad of what happened and what was involved.
Accept the good and the bad.
Try and not obsess over the loss.
Focus on what you have around you.
Focus on the loved ones around you.
Don’t isolate yourself.
Reach out to your loved ones.
They want to help you.
They need you to need them.
Don’t be sorry for leaning on others for strength when you are weak.
They will help raise you up.
Change your daily routine.
Try new things.
Do things you have been wanting to do, but haven’t done.
Talk to new people.
Don’t replace someone with someone else.
They won’t satisfy, they aren’t what you lost.
This will only hurt you and that person.
Bring people in your life but do so honestly and with right intentions.
Don’t neglect your health.
Speak love into your thoughts.
Speak truth into your thoughts.
Speak beauty into your thoughts.
Speak positivity into your thoughts.
What you think, becomes what you do.
Your words to yourself fuel your choices and actions.
Honor your memories.
But don’t let them haunt you.
Write down your feelings and say them out loud.
Express your emotions through crying.
When the memories begin to haunt you or your thoughts begin to haunt you, replace them with good thoughts and other memories.
Eat healthy foods.
Sugar and junk food fuels depression.
You want to detox the grief out, not create a more toxic environment for your body.
Treat your body as a temple.
Try and get on a sleep pattern, even if your body won’t let you sleep.
Eventually your body will succumb to exhaustion and will sleep.
Focus on your goals.
Go after any dreams you want.
Work hard at your career.
Pour into yourself by learning more about your passions.
Read self-help books, the Bible, Devotionals, listen to podcasts and YouTube videos on becoming a better you.
Continually improve yourself every single day.
Be in nature.
Spend more time in sunshine.
Exercise, stretch, swim.
Release physical tension in your body by working out.
Pray continually throughout the day.
Immerse yourself into community of inspiring and loving people.
Dig deeper in your faith and spirituality.
Visit the ocean and just stare at the waves and listen to the sounds.
Find a counselor.
Take herbs that help reduce anxiety and depression.
(L-Theanine, & Ashwagandha)
Make art or something with your hands.
Be creative and express yourself in this manner.
Dance and be free.
Spend time with animals.
Recreate your living space.
Treat yourself to a present.
Take yourself on a solo trip.
Be there for others.
Even if you don’t feel positive or happy, be there for someone else.
Giving love to others even when you’re suffering is another key to freedom and growth and healing.
And it creates stronger bonds between you and others.
Focus on the small things in each day that make you grateful.
Make a gratitude list every day and watch how your mindset changes.
These are just some of the things I do when I experience loss.
There’s so much more.
But just know you have control on how you respond to a situation and how much of that situation controls you.
Don’t let loss take control of you or your life.
It’s something to be felt, dealt with, and then let go.
God is powerful to change any circumstance in your life.
So just know, this season isn’t permanent.
What you grieve now, can be given to you tenfold later.
Anything can happen.
Anything can change.
So, don’t lose hope.
But also, don’t hold onto a ghost.
What is meant to be in your life will be.
No man, or circumstance can stop it.
It is a divine force that will occur no matter what.
So, just let it be.
Let it go.
Let it grow you.
Let it mold you into the person you were created to be.
If I can get through:
My father leaving at age 6 and returning at age 21,
My three great grandparents dying at once,
Every single one of my best friends walking away from me from elementary school and even in college,
The loss of my grandmother who helped raise me,
The loss of my next-door neighbor who was the father figure in my life when my dad wasn’t there,
The loss of multiple boyfriends,
The loss of my first love, and second love,
The loss of my health,
The loss of my previous life because of my health,
The loss of my ability to eat what I wanted, my ability to do what I wanted, my jobs because I was sick,
The loss of finances due to being sick for many years, the loss of my identity when I was sick and depressed,
The loss of my school grades due to illness, the loss of groups of friends,
The loss of hopes, dreams, wishes, plans, and
The loss of time.
If I can get through all this loss, you can too.
You aren’t alone.
Nobody is alone in their suffering.
Someone is always suffering in this world, and we need to rally behind them and encourage them and be there for them.
That’s why being kind to everyone, including strangers is so vital.
Someone could be barely hanging onto their will to live, and if they come in contact with one cruel person, they could give up.
Loss makes impact on not just you but everyone around you.
So, know the way you deal with loss will determine the course your life takes.
Don’t take loss lightly.
Deal with it now, before you lose anything else in your life.
Storms don’t last forever.
Sunshine always comes in the morning.
Take this loss as a stepping stone to bettering your future.
Everything will be okay.
You can and will get through this.
I’d like to extend an invitation to you who reads this and needs encouragement and prayer. Please send me a message on Instagram and I will be there for you.